Elementary
by kathryn ashworth
Summary: Penny holds a Sherlock Holmes theme party, who could be the potential boyfriend? T for possible later content
1. Chapter 1

Hello, hello, there is tea and biscuits in the kitchen. Now if you are with snacks and drinks I will begin, shop related news we have expanded, I know it sounds exciting, but we have the former newspaper kiosk next door, and Stevie has filled it with nick-nacks, I would complain, but anything that improves the takings is fine by me.

My 'situation' as my mother has taken to referring to anything that could be described as romance in my life remains unchanged. There has been an odd entertaining moment though, she had a Nordic Noir theme party, I do hold myself personally (partly) responsible as I was the one who recommended she watch The Killing. The upside of this was I could go for the Sarah Lund look, and wear a chunky jumper. This was the main theme of dress for all the other guests, well apart from Stevie. Let's just say it would have been better if she had never read the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, though I doubt there has ever been a less imposing Lisbeth, I couldn't look at her without laughing, unfortunately it ruined the illusion somewhat.

Anyway the man mum tried to set me up with was the dullest man on the planet. I don't care how much he earns (this was a great point of hers) I cannot stand the idea of spending 10 minutes with a man who thinks financial planning is interesting, never mind the rest of my life, don't think I mentioned, he's mum's accountant. I may not have much experience in the dating world but even I know the opening line "What tax code are you?" is unlikely to be successful. Though there are some ominous comments about making sure I'm free on certain nights and a rather enthusiastic questioning about books I have read recently, though I don't think she was convinced by my choice of Notes From A Small Island, unless she wants everyone to come as a bearded American travel writer.

Well I was right, Saturday is the Sherlock Holmes party, and as I guessed a deerstalker and pipe make me look wonderful, suits me so well. Thanks to you sniggering in the back but I fear you may be right, how is this look going to get me a man? Unless they are particularly unobservant and think I am a man, please kill me now. The only saving grace is there will be wine, and if there was anything to put someone off it's me under the influence.

Things are not going well so far, I've had Stevie's second cousin coming onto me, evidently she knows my mother somehow, but the news that Stevie and I aren't together has reached her but unfortunately not the news that it was an excuse. It can't get much worse can it?  
"Darling, he's here!" So long, farewell but not goodbye. I know we'll met again. Wish me luck.  
"Gary, this is Miranda, Miranda, Gary." We looked at each other in astonishment, it may have been years since I had seen him, but it was definitely him. Entirely accidentally mum has set me up with a friend from uni.  
"Gary?"  
"Miranda?"  
"You know each other?"  
"Yeah, we were at uni together, now can we have some privacy we have a lot of catching up to do."  
"Of course, yes, I'm sure I can make an excuse."  
"No, not like that."

Despite mum's best intentions we didn't get to spend much time together mainly as I was trying to shake off Maria and Gary was doing the same with Tilly who was doing her usual annoying hair flick. Thankfully everyone left pretty early.  
"So, this is going to sound more than I intend it to, do you want to come back to mine for a coffee?" Hopefully my tone of voice implied the, and a good chat, in brackets.  
"Yeah sure."  
I'm dreading my next conversation with mum after she winked at us when we left.

"So tea, coffee, hot chocolate?"  
"I'll have whatever you're having."  
"This may be a little awkward, but you've seen me like this before." He looked rather puzzled. "Do you mind if I change into my pjs, this is a very uncomfortable costume and just a minor complaint I look ridiculous."  
"No it's OK, and I'll make the drinks, if I remember, hot chocolate?"  
"Of course."

"Well I have to say that's an improvement on before."  
"Oh thanks,"  
"Not that you didn't look lovely, but I did spend the entire evening expecting you to call me Watson."  
"So what have you been up to since I last saw you? The hot chocolate is excellent as ever."  
"I've been travelling on and off, just got back from 6 months in Malaysia, one thing that travelling in Asia teaches you is, that is it possible to miss drizzle."  
"Nice, much more interesting than me, temped for a few years and then bought the shop downstairs, and am just generally muddling along."

We talked like that for what felt like only a few minutes but was actually well into hours, going to replenish the hot chocolate I noticed the time on the oven clock, it was half past 2. When I got back I noticed Gary looking at his watch.  
"Is that the time? I'd better get back, do you have a number for a cab?"  
"Don't be ridiculous, I'll sleep on the sofa bed, you can have my room."  
"I couldn't possibly kick you out of your own room."  
"Well I'd better warn you that the left leg at the front does occasionally collapse, well it's done it once, but try not to lean on it."  
"No, that's not what I meant either." We exchanged glances, me of confusion, him of slight exasperation that I wasn't getting what he meant, but suddenly the penny dropped.  
"Are you sure? Don't you remember that last time we shared a bed, you snored all night and I kept kicking you in, what little sleep I got."  
"Erm this is a little awkward, do you have anything for me to wear." He said looking rather embarrassed.  
"All I have are mine, but I'm sure they will fit." Well they did, unfortunately they were a little short, but the pale blue sheep bottoms really did suit him, he may have disagreed.


	2. Chapter 2

Things I have learned overnight, one Gary's snoring had got worse since uni and B he has become a duvet hog. I was momentarily confused when I turned over and instead if hitting the mattress hit Gary instead and the memoirs of last night came flooding back.

I used the time before he woke to go into the bathroom and try and sort out my hair as I appear to have been electrocuted in my sleep, thankfully the true reason was much more fun. There had been lots and lots (and a little bit more) of kissing, which was rather nice, though Gary finding my ticklish bits was a bit less so, and before anyone thinks it, no there was no shenanigans, but if it is as good as the kissing I don't think we will ever leave this room again, apologies on advance.

When I went back in he was sat up waiting for me.  
"I wondered where you'd gone. Missed you."  
"I was sorting out the hair, messing it up was fun though.  
"Was going to start on breakfast, but I think I might just mess it up again."  
"Even though I've just done it? I won't complain if you want to, though I do like the idea of breakfast."

Well the kissing was lovely, more than lovely in fact, and much more successful than the attempt at breakfast.  
"Where's the bread?" Gary shouted round the bedroom door.  
"In the bread bin."  
"No it isn't."  
"Oh yeah, I forgot we used the last of it for the sandwiches last night."  
"I could go to the shop and get some more, or I could take you out for breakfast."  
"So this could be considered our first date?"  
"Erm yeah."  
"Breakfast for a first date, people will talk."  
"No, you mean your mother will talk."  
"And she's not a person?"  
"No, no that's not what I meant." He was so cute when he was in a flap. "I meant what will Stevie say?"  
"I dread to think, but at least I'm not the person who has to go home in a Sherlock Holmes costume."  
"Good point, well made. See you outside the shop at half 10."

"So did you manage to avoid Stevie?"  
"Yip."  
"Lucky you. I didn't, the door wasn't open, so had to wait for her to arrive to let me out."  
"And?"  
"Well she doesn't believe me that there were no shenanigans, but she did say the costume made me look cute."  
For once, amazingly a social situation went well for me, no falling over, no throwing things at people, no inadvertent nudity. My good roll was disturbed by mum being at the shop when I got back. Thankfully I managed to steer the conversation away from all things Gary based.

So will have to say goodbye, as have another date, I know, I know. Have much preparation to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Well let's just say yesterday was slightly eventful, it was the first properly sunny day of the year so Gary decided to we should have a day out at the seaside. Unfortunately the nearer we got is seemed that everyone else in the country had the same idea, but we did manage to get the last parking space within 50 miles. Which unfortunately meant he had to walk for about half an hour to get down to the beach, and when we got there all the good spots were taken, so we decided to hit the arcades.

Well Gary certainly gets competitive when it comes to air hockey, but I have discovered the best way to beat him, leaning over the table in a low cut top usually distracts him. Don't get me started on the driving games though, I picked a car on wether or not I thought it looked nice then when the game got going kept my foot on the accelerator, no matter where the track went, so needless to say I crashed, a lot. I did discover I have a hidden talent for shoot-em-ups and even managed to get on the high score board on House Of The Dead. Unfortunately Gary resisted my pleas to go on the grabby machines, saying they are a waste of money, which they are, but his concentration face is so funny.

Eventually we passed enough time for the busiest areas of the beach to have cleared of people who want to roast themselves, so we could move in and have a barbecue, I think I should add the words in theory, before have a barbecue. We managed to get the last disposable barbecue in town, this should have been a warning. An hour later and still unable to get it lit, we we decided to go the whole hog for a a day at the seaside and have fish and chips. As he had lugged them all the way from the car Gary insisted we sit on the deck chairs we brought as he had been carrying them all day. After much faffing to get the first one up I sat patiently holding Gary's lunch as he fiddled with the tricky mechanism. After much swearing it decided to stay in place. Not for long though, when he sat on it the chair collapsed beneath him. I was trying not to laugh, but it was such a relief to me that I wasn't the person who had made a fool themselves in public. Thankfully he managed to get it set up again and we shared the fish and chips, which should please my mother as she is once again trying to get me on a diet.

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful, though I do have to admit that Gary rubbing the sun cream into my back is much more fun than Stevie doing it, she can be rather rough. Unfortunately my inability to not laugh at Gary had a downside, he kept threatening to write rude words on my back. As I was rather comfy, I sent Gary to get us ice creams, this took a while as the first 2 places he went to only had raspberry ripple left, and that is an affront to ice cream frankly.

"I don't want to go home yet."  
"We could stay for dinner, I'll go and bring the car down, should be a space. Why don't you look for a restaurant?"  
"Sure, I'll probably be in a coffee shop when you get back."  
Gary trying to put the chairs down was almost as funny as when it collapsed, but the evening very nearly ended in hospital when he got his fingers jammed, thankfully they came loose eventually. Amazingly I had no mishaps all day, which I think may have been a first.

I found a little place down a side street and text Gary to tell him where I would be waiting. He turned up surprisingly quickly.  
"I bumped into someone I haven't seen since high school and he drove me up to the car park."  
After dinner we went down to the beach to watch the sunset. Gary had his arms wrapped around my waist and was resting his head on my shoulder.  
"I've been thinking."  
"Now that's dangerous."  
"Cheeky, no seriously I've been thinking about us. Well you move in with me?"  
"Wow, yes of course."  
"Well, lets get back to our flat."


	4. Chapter 4

Hello, and no, I'm not at home, well technically I am. Welcome to chez Gary and Miranda, after much arguing, and Gary's contract running out we decided to buy a place together. How grown up. I know. For those of you worried about the flat, there are some of you, I know it. Well there is no need to worry as it is in safe hands, a certain Miss Sutton is living there.

Well the buying and moving into of the house went like a dream compared to the planning of the housewarming party.  
"No, not then, it's poker night."  
"Can't you miss it for one week."  
"No, would you give up girls night."  
"You just want to be 'gangsta' for the evening, don't argue, I heard John talking about hos at the last one."  
"He was talking about gardening implements, hoes with an 'e'."  
"You were talking about gardening implements? I don't think I've unpacked your pipe and slippers yet old man."  
"Rude."  
"Just because we live together now doesn't mean you can steal my sayings, there is a fine of a glass of wine and a kiss." Thankfully we eventually decided on a date and it's tomorrow, so have spent the day putting things into the attic, minor thrill, we have an attic, and a spare room.

We made the mistake of organising a barbecue (a proper one, not a rubbish disposable one) in England, in the summer. So naturally it rained, but a quick trip to get gazebos saved the evening. This was a minor incident compared to what was to come. The grey hair situation has got worse, I'm now into double figures, so colouring them in is no longer practical, so I asked Stevie to help me dye it, as the only other time I've attempted it, I dyed not only my hair, but my forehead, neck and the bathroom. Well the only difference is that there was no dye all over the bathroom this time, so I had to wear a stupid floppy hat at the party, which no one asked about once. I wish.

As Gary was sorting the food out, he asked me to light the barbecue, me and flammable substances, something was bound to go wrong. It didn't start well, I managed to drop the bag of charcoal on my foot, and naturally it split. So that took a while to clean up, and when I had finished emptying the bag, I looked up to see Gary laughing at me through the kitchen window. Then I couldn't get the top off the lighter fluid, so he had to come and help me. And when I finally got it lit there was a huge gust of wind, and frankly I was lucky to escape with my eyebrows.

"Miranda, this Steve, we were at school together."  
"Hi."  
"And this is his younger brother Charlie, we'd better keep him away from the paddling pool." It was full of ice to keep the drinks cold, unfortunately not for splashing around in.  
"Why?" Hopefully this conversation will go beyond one word answers.  
"He tried to drown me in one when he was 6."  
"Are you still not over that?"  
"Calm down children. Gary it was over 20 years ago, let it go. And Charlie I've only just met you but am very disappointed in 6 year old you."

Rather worryingly, mum had disappeared. She wasn't getting food or a drink, or escaping the early evening humidity (as in typical English fashion, the early morning showers had given way to oppressive humidity) in the living room. This could only mean she was snooping round, naturally she had been round before, but had not had the chance to fully pass her judgement. About 10 minutes later I heard the ominous phrase 'such fun' from the other side of the garden.  
"Darling you have a lovely, what I call house, but why is the spare room full of boxes?"  
"Firstly, we all call it a house, it is a house, and secondly, they a boxes of things that will probably end up in the attic."

By 11 the barbecue had burned itself out and Gary and I were left to tidy up, as it was late we decided to leave the loading of the dishwasher to the morning. Instead we curled up on the big sofa with glasses of wine and enjoyed the silence. I felt his hand tighten around my waist, pulling me to him.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
"If you'd have told me 6 months ago that I would be in this situation, living with my gorgeous boyfriend, I would have said you were mad."  
"But? I sensed there may have been a but?"  
"No but, other than, but I am happier than I ever thought I could be and I love you so much."  
"I love you too, coming to bed?"

The End


End file.
